


Untitled ShinyHearts Fic

by likealocket



Category: Firefly
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fusion, F/M, Identity Swap
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2006-02-20
Updated: 2006-02-20
Packaged: 2017-11-02 18:33:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/372062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likealocket/pseuds/likealocket
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Firefly AU, inspired by the (modern) classic tale of Shrek. In which The Alliance is not after the Tams and all crew members are with us, save for Inara, who's grand entrance onto Serenity is where our story begins…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Untitled ShinyHearts Fic

**Author's Note:**

> This turned wordy on me, so I posted Part One in the challenge with the intention of completing it at a later date. Well, six years have gone by now, and I still have my outline and notes so... we'll never say never?
> 
> Written for calliopes_pen for the 2006 Shiny Hearts challenge. Thanks to graysen for the beta. Chinese translations at the end.

Jayne's sulking was nearly as heavy as his footfalls as he trailed Mal and Zoe into the cargo bay.

"If he's so respectable, why's he wantin' to meet you in a shady place out the edge of town?" Jayne fired out. Simon and the Shepherd were helping load the mule for the impending meet-up, while Wash checked the mechs and River watched from the catwalk above. Jayne stopped short, arms crossed.

"Jayne, why we still talkin' about this?" Mal tossed over his shoulder, not bothering to face the merc. "Zoe comes with me, you don't. It's going to be lots of talking with hopefully little to no shooting. So why you even want to come?"

Jayne scowled as he absently fingered the gun at his side. "It ain't right, fancy Core-livin' man wantin' to do business with us," he protested as he stepped over Kaylee's feet, which were sticking out from underneath the machine.

"We ain't had anyone rentin' the spare shuttle in months," Mal swung himself up into the pilot's seat, checking to see that everything was in order. "We scared off that prospector and his wife good, they didn't last more'n two weeks." Wash helped Zoe in beside him, tipping his head up for a final kiss before departure. "So now we take some jobs with folk we don't like, or we don't eat. You got any better ideas on how else we can get paid?"

"He could sell his body to science," the doc offered, smiling innocently. Mal and Zoe turned to Jayne with raised eyebrows, considering.

Jayne glared.

Discussion finished, Mal shifted attention to his mechanic. "We set, Kaylee?"

"She's right as rain, Cap'n," came the cheerful clearance.

"We'll be back, minus bullet holes and plus a payin' job. Shepherd, if you will," he jerked his chin up once and the preacher pressed the release that opened the cargo door.

" _Ai ya_! Don't ruttin' like this!" Jayne called out as the mule sped away. "Can't get paid if we get dead either!"

"Just wait," River grinned, appearing from nowhere at his side. "We haven't even gotten to the good part yet."

 

*********************

 

"I have heard things, Captain Reynolds. About you and your crew."

Atherton Wing rested comfortably in a high-backed chair which had clearly seen better days. The ease with which the man sipped from the ornate teacup in his right hand clashed hard with the handful of guards Wing had lurking at the doors. Highly unneeded, as the seedy old saloon was well near deserted.

"That so?" Mal asked, face impassive, tone even. He'd refused the offered seats and tea, choosing instead to remain alertly on his feet. As always, Zoe had followed suit. "What kinds of things?"

"That you will take on jobs that many others might pass up," Wing said, appraising Mal as he spoke. "That you are willing to take great risks, if the risks are worth taking."

Mal studied the man. There was just something about uppity Alliance fellas he didn't trust, and Atherton Wing was no different.

"I assure you, Captain," Wing leaned forward, ready to drop his key selling point. "You will be compensated generously for returning to me what is mine."

But he'd sought them out special, and there wasn't any harm in listening a bit more, Mal supposed.

"And what type of risks are we talking about exactly?" Mal chose his words carefully.

A hint of a smile --now he had Mal's attention-- before he was back to the serious tone. "On Regina, there is something rather dear that was taken from me many years ago and I'd very much like to see it returned."

If there was one thing Mal knew, it was never that simple. There was a catch, a danger mixed in here somewhere. A reason he'd been called here, when Wing's thugs outnumbered --and by their looks, out-stupided-- Jayne, Zoe, and hisself by far.

"Why don't I go retrieve it, you wonder?" Wing asked, reading Mal's hesitation. "It is being guarded closely from me and I'm well aware that a rescue attempt by myself would be ill-conceived."

Mal considered. Could be true. "Where exactly is this precious cargo of yours?"

"On Regina, as I mentioned. At the Companion Training House."

"And what exactly am I taking off-world?" Mal smirked, stealing a sideways glance at Zoe. "One of those fine girls steal your special incense, or a pillow your mother sewed?"

"And here is where we discover if the infamous Captain Reynolds is all that I am told. It is not a ‘what' I ask you to retrieve," Wing paused, effectively grabbing Mal and Zoe's curiosity, "but a ‘who'."

"A ‘who,'" Zoe echoed. Her face was stoic as always, but knowing her as he did, Mal sensed her unease. He wasn't exactly liking the sound of that himself. "As in, a person?" It was a statement more than a question.

"My niece, to be precise," Wing confirmed. "Miss Inara Serra."

 

*********************

 

"Wait, wait, _wait_ ," Wash interrupted, waving a hand in protest. "Our cargo usually consists of stolen Alliance meds and maybe a few crates of protein bars. Those little bobble headed dolls were _shi fen_ creepifying, but I handled it." He appealed to Zoe with a look and she gave a small smile and a nod, confirming his admirable composure during the bobble doll job. "Occasionally, we have livestock. But _people_? When did we get into the people trade, Captain?"

"Yeah," came Jayne's grumbled agreement. Flecks of the protein mush he'd been eating spattered across the dining table. He shot a glare at Simon and River. "No offense to you and your sister, Doc. Or you, Preacher, " he added. Jayne turned back to Mal, "But anytime we bring on new folk we get nothing' but ruttin' trouble."

"Your comment denying offensiveness," River politely noted, "held ironic undertones intending to increase its offensive nature." Her eyes never raised from the intense game of Jax she played at Simon's feet.

Mal's mouth had been open to counter Jayne but he closed it as he glanced at River --that girl was twelve sorts of odd sometimes-- and then picked up where he'd been heading.

"Jayne, that ain't-"

"How many times your little missus try n' kill you now?" Jayne cut over him.

"Well," Mal defended, "only the twice so-"

"And that dead war buddy of yours that come back to life and nearly got us corpsified too?" Mal itched to wipe the smug clear off Jayne's face.

"This is a sentence I'd hoped I'd never live to speak," Simon grimaced, as if the words were painful to say, "but Jayne does have a point."

"Alright. So there have been some… complications," Mal conceded. "But that don't change the fact we have exactly two options right now, and the other one involves no food or fuel for the near future."

He leveled a captain-y stare around the room and everyone fell silent, save the grunt Jayne let out as he set back into his meal.

"Right. So we set course for Persephone where we'll pick up needed supplies from Wing's contacts, and then on to Regina to get her, uh-" he cut off, not wanting to get into the specifics of their "cargo" if he didn't have to. A mutiny was already brewing, no reason to make it worse.

" _Her_ , Captain?" Book this time. Preacher didn't know when to leave things be.

All eyes were on him, even Zoe, who knew what he was about to say would make only two of his crew happy. Little Kaylee adored anyone new, especially womenfolk. And only thing Jayne loved more'n whores was Vera.

Might as well out with it now. "This Wing fella's niece ran away from home young, thought she was too good for her roots. Wing's been searching, trying to bring her back to her mama for years. Tracked her down on Regina, wants us to bring her home." There. A few details removed, and it didn't sound so bad.

Wash raised an arm, "What's the catch?" Mal scowled, and Wash sat back in his chair. "There's _always_ a catch."

"She lives at the Companion Training House," Mal confessed. "And ah, as of now she doesn't exactly know we're coming."

" _Shao hou_! We're pickin' up a _whore_?" Jayne exclaimed, grinning. "Why didn't you just _say_ so? I'm in."

Kaylee giggled and Simon rolled his eyes.

"So," Mal focused on Wash, patently ignoring Jayne. "We best be headin' for Persephone."

Wash's reluctance was still apparent, but he shrugged in resignation. " _Bu lai_. At least this job doesn't have 'killing people' as part of the initial plan for success. That's better'n most." He stood and started toward the bridge. "I'll have us on course in five."

Mal looked at the others, ready to take on the rest. "Once we hit planetside, Wing has a man on the ground getting us some fancy clothes, along with first half of our payment. Gotta look respectable or she'll suspect. Zoe, I'll leave that to you."

"Yes, Sir," Zoe agreed. She was the only one on this gorram boat could take an order without fussin'.

"Kaylee, I'll need you to work your magic and get us into the Cortex Companion Client Registry. According to the intel Wing gave us, we'll need to make some modifications. I'd much rather she come willing, and that's the only way."

"Can do, Cap'n," Kaylee promised. "Only I might have to stop in a parts shop once we're landed, 'cause we don't got any size 3 Rapsien Converters and I'll need at least two for the override."

"Good girl," Mal nodded. And now, for the fun part. No matter what else was happening, it never got less amusing making the Doc squirm. "Now its a little under a day's ride to our first stop, and we have some other matters to take care of in the meanwhile."

Mal turned to Simon, who's eyes widened comically at his next words.

"Doc, its high time we got you bedded."

 

*********************

 

As soon as she slid the thin wooden door closed behind her, Inara could feel the pent up tension begin to melt away from her body. Alone at last, she removed the clasp from her hair, letting dark locks cascade around her shoulders.

She drifted out onto the open air verandah at the rear of her suite, taking in the magnificent view and wondering when she'd become so restless.

When she'd left home all those years ago, she'd imagined a lavish, fulfilling life like the one she'd dreamt of as a girl. To a young Inara, Companions had been the finest examples of _wan mei_ : they possessed the most perfect beauty, grace, knowledge, and skill she had ever seen. All she'd ever desired was to learn their trade. Inara smiled, thinking back to the eager child she once had been.

And she'd made her dream into a reality. From early on she was a standout in her lessons, a favorite of her teachers, and somehow still respected by her peers. Once in the Guild, she'd enjoyed her choice of the finest clients and been well on the track to becoming a House Mistress. She had always been seeking something more, something better. Not out of greed, but a yearning to find the happiness she'd hoped would come with this life. But then...

Remembering, Inara turned her back on the clear blue sky.

Her path had been forever changed that day. Most of her had wanted to run away entirely, but the rest was even more terrified of leaving everything she'd ever known.

Instead, Inara had chosen the middle ground. She left the Core worlds behind and started anew here, on a mostly non-Alliance-regulated Rim world, instructing at a new Training House created as part of the Guild's expansion program.

At first she welcomed the change, and the readily available escape the girls' education provided her from her troubled thoughts. However, Inara quickly discovered that, though the girls were very sweet, she feared their prospects of making proper Companion status with the Guild to be ultimately hopeless. Her new life was a constant cycle of preparing young, hopeful girls to enter a world in which most of them could never succeed, and over time the mask she'd carefully constructed to conceal her unhappiness began to crumble.

 _Wo shi mí shi_. What, Inara asked herself, was she doing here?

With that, she drew aside the draping curtains and moved back inside her room. She settled into the cushioned chair opposite her Cortex screen and signed on.

The one small link to the life she missed so dearly was the opportunity granted to contract a client for brief periods between training sessions, once or twice per season. As it happened, her next availability began in just three days. These small escapes back into familiarity were all that kept her going anymore, and each time they seemed less and less like enough.

Inara was dismayed to see that only three men had posted inquiries this session, when usually she had upwards of a dozen or more to choose from. She reminded herself that she was out on the Rim now, and only clients passing near her world could request her services.

She dismissed the first potential client by his picture alone; he was unkempt and had a look in his eyes that Inara had come to recognize spoke nothing of respect for women of any stature.

The second appeared acceptable, but spoke crudely of things he wished Inara to do for him. Before he'd completed barely two sentences, she'd rejected his wave and moved on to the last.

Inara sighed. If this final prospect --a Dr. Simon Tam-- was anywhere as promising as the others, she was looking forward to an unbearably long two weeks solely in the company of the infuriating Sheydra, as the girls were on a mid-season break, and no other means of escape.

She touched his name and the screen changed, revealing the frozen image of a strikingly handsome man. He was perhaps slightly older than herself, she judged, with a distinct nose, a strong, set jaw, and determined blue eyes.

Inara skimmed over his stats. Born on Osiris of the well-off Tam family just a few years before herself, exceptional Med student, accomplished surgeon at Capital City Hospital by a remarkably young age. Now, several years later, leaving the Core, traveling and providing medical care to those on the Rim worlds. Unmarried.

Intrigued, Inara touched the screen once more and Dr. Tam's message began to play.

"Hello, Miss Serra." He began, and she was shaken to find something in his roughly masculine voice stirred her. "I, ah, I hope this message finds you well." He paused to swallow. "Your reputation as one of the finest in your trade proceeds you, and the acquisition of your services comes highly recommended."

Inara smiled at his nervousness. It was rather endearing, the man had obviously never contracted a Companion before, and it was apparent he was speaking from a prepared statement committed to memory.

"I will be passing through for business this coming Friday afternoon, by your world's time, and I was hoping to obtain the pleasure of your fine company aboard my vessel for the remainder of my trip." He paused, eyes darting somewhere off to the side of the camera. He cleared his throat, gave a small nod, and then continued. "I am aware that you usually conduct your affairs at the Training House, but I was hoping you could make an exception in light of my circumstance. There's, ah," another pause to collect himself, a quick glance toward the ceiling to recall his script and then, " Appropriate arrangements have been prepared for your-"

He continued, but Inara froze the wave, halting this captivating Doctor Tam mid sentence. It had been all she'd needed to hear. He was more than suited to her tastes, a world removed from her usual practiced, cold clientele, and more importantly he would take her away from here, if only for awhile.

Dark memories threatened to creep in, of the last time she'd been with a client in unfamiliar surroundings, but she forced them away.

What was in her past must remain there. If she couldn't overcome that, she would never find the elusive contentment she'd sought since she left her home all those years before. Inara certainly hadn't found it on Regina, or any other world she'd run from thus far, and maybe this could be her chance.

Inara wasn't foolish enough to think that she could fall into this stranger's arms and have an ending removed from an _ài qíng gù shì_ of Earth-That-Was; her Companion training had taught her better than that. Still, she couldn't help hoping that her own version of happiness --whatever it amounted to-- was out there somewhere.

Maybe in the direction her handsome, nervous Doctor was heading.

One more look at the promise in his eyes, and she touched "Accept Contract" below his name.

She had to believe that, because the alternative wasn't something she could bear.

 

*********************

 

He was supposed to be the Captain, gorram it. A Captain with a solid plan, and --as most of the time seemed to be the case lately-- things weren't going his way at all.

He knew from the first that it wouldn't do to go barging into a Companion Training House with guns drawn, take the girl by force, and call more attention to themselves than was strictly needed. The success of this job hinged on the need for her to come willingly and the most obvious way to make that happen would be for her to have a contracted client onboard Serenity.

Before they'd even returned from the meeting with Wing, Mal had run through the possibilities. No way would it be him. He had to be Captain-y and make sure this thing went down smooth. Jayne, Book, and River weren't even choices. He weren't going to force Kaylee to do that, or Zoe. He could see Wash happily volunteer, catch that "Remember how much you like sex?" look from his wife, and un-volunteer in a hurry.

That left the Simon. Who, come to think it, was the only one of them that had the background and the pretty face to actually make this work. Though, thinking back to the doc's stint as a mud-buyer on Canton, he acted 'bout as well as a pile of _go se_.

But a man has to work with what he got. So back in the mess, once he'd let the doc squirm a good bit, Mal'd announced the plan.

Simon, the _ju tou chuin-zi_ , had leapt up from his seat, flat out refused to take part in the "manipulation of an innocent girl for the sake of greed", and stood firmly nose to nose with Mal.

Well. Had to give the boy credit for his _gao_.

Then there'd been words exchanged --loud words, enough to make River's eyes bug out-- and naturally Jayne had jumped into the fray. This was followed up by some more words, and then some shoving. In the ensuing tussle, while Mal was deciding if this job weren't worth shooting his medic over, Jayne had thought it fitting to go and blacken Simon's eye.

Gorram it, Mal thought again, fussing with the uncomfortable fancy shirt he wore. What good is a pretty boy looks like he's been on the wrong end of a bar fight for appearing respectable?

That's right, ruttin' _none_.

Which left Mal to become a refined gentlemanly-type doctor person who would be worthy of winning a contract from a highly regarded Guild Companion.

In less than eighteen hours.

Realizing he was in very real danger of being separated from certain man-parts he very much valued --or possibly his head-- Simon had suddenly become cooperative.

He'd offered up every one of his needed stats for the Registry profile Kaylee was set to create. He'd written up a script for Mal to recite on the profile wave recording and coached a grudging Mal and the others on how to act like upright citizens in the presence of a Companion.

The stop on Persephone had been uneventful. Zoe had secured fancified wardrobe for all the crew and Kaylee was able to get the parts she needed for the system override. Two hours later, they'd been on course for Regina.

Once wired, Kaylee had gotten them inside the Client Registry in a snap. On Wash's suggestion, they'd "eliminated the competition," removing the contract offers from several other men --and two women-- that had seemed a fair shake more respectable than "Dr. Tam." Kaylee had left two hopefuls, so as not to seem overly suspicious, but one had given the appearance of a human-like weasel and the other had been only slightly less crude than Jayne. So Mal had felt they were in pretty good shape to not have to use Plan B.

Which was good, because he hadn't exactly thought of it yet.

But, far as he could tell, it had worked. _Xiè mou wù_ , were Jayne and Simon lucky _chunrén_ that it had worked. Mal --or actually the new and slightly more weathered version of Dr. Simon Tam-- had a bona fide contract with a Miss Inara Serra, who was due to Serenity's dock at any moment.

"The boat all set?" Mal asked Zoe, keen for distraction from what he was about to have to do. He fiddled again with the high collar of his unfamiliar shirt.

"Cleaned as she's able, Sir." Zoe confirmed. "Mechs are good to go, she'll fly sweetly. Kaylee's made up a passenger bunk for the lady and Book's even making a dinner of more'n just protein for once. Should do this more often." Zoe's lips twitched to an amused smile. She turned on her heel quickly enough so Mal had to direct his glare at the back of her head.

Mal had confined Kaylee, River, and Wash to the ship while they were docked. He figured less of them to meet her, less likely to have their cover blown. He kept Jayne along as his guard muscle; had to keep up appearances. And he'd made Simon stay around, partly in case it all went to hell conversation-wise, and partly just for kicks. He'd think of some way to amuse himself at the doc's expense, he was sure.

Through the crowd of travelers and merchants, came a woman dressed in a fine, flowing sari in shades of deep red. Mal stood up tall; she was heading straight for them. She was beautiful, he wouldn't deny that, much as he had wanted to. It was a natural kind of beauty glossed over with years of training and layers of skill so it shown almost _too_ brightly, like passing too close to a star. Behind her came a local dock hand, wheeling her small trunk.

Miss Serra stopped in front of Serenity's open bay door. Her eyes scanned the ship's expanse, before falling to Mal's, a warm smile on her lips. "Dr. Tam. What a pleasure it is to meet you." Her voice was smooth and even. Mal inwardly winced. Trained to put a man at ease. She gestured to the boat. "I see you have a very fine ship, and I'm delighted for the opportunity to travel with you."

"Well. Ah. Thank you." Mal tried to cover his surprise. Hadn't heard anybody call his girl "very fine" besides himself, Kaylee, and Wash in more than awhile. He silently appraised his new passenger, who had obviously been taught that the straightest course to softenin' a man's heart was through his ego. This girl was good.

She stood a moment, waiting for Mal to invite her aboard, he finally realized. "Captain Washburne has given me clearance for takeoff as soon as you're settled, so please, come aboard and follow me." He turned and began up the ramp before remembering one of Simon's instructions.

_Offer the lady your arm, especially on uneven ground and places where she's unfamiliar. This shows you're a gentleman, and not a talking baboon._

Mal swiveled back, offering his elbow, which Miss Serra took with a grateful nod. So the doc was useful for more than just sewing up holes in his crew. One more bit of fun and he'd lay off the boy... for awhile.

"My manservant Malcolm will see to your things."

Mal gave a curt nod to Simon, whose jaw tensed a moment before he stepped forward to accept the lady's trunk. Mal stifled a smirk as he heard Jayne sputter his laughter into a cough. Miss Serra looked back curiously, and Mal tried to divert her attention with a fanciful tour of the cargo bay. That was close.

But it was really, really worth it.

 

*********************

To be continued...

 

**Author's Note:**

> **Translations:**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _ai ya _\-- damn__  
>  _shi fen _\-- very/completely__  
>  _shao hou _\-- hold on__  
>  _bu lai _\-- fine/ not bad__  
>  _wan mei _\-- perfection__  
>  _ài qíng gù shì _\-- love story__  
>  _Wo shi mí shi _\-- I am lost__  
>  _go se _\-- crap__  
>  _ju tou chuin-zi _\-- pig-headed moron__  
>  _gao _\-- balls (testicles)__  
>  _Xiè mou wù _\-- Thank something (like "thank goodness")__  
>  _chunrén _\-- fools__


End file.
